The Marius Pontmercy Hate Club
The Marius Pontmercy Hate Club
I'm actually serious about this!
Sure, we KNOW that Marius Pontmercy is supposed to be one of the "heroes" of Les Miserables, second to Jean Valjean. But even on my first reading, there was something "off" about our young "hero". He just didn't seem all that smart or heroic. Stalking a girl is not adorbs. Killing National Guardsmen for a cause that he didn't believe in isn't heroic. And he's a stinkin' judgemental hypocrite.
And a male Mary-Sue. It wasn't quite that obvious until I hit the last book-within-a-book, "Jean Valjean". When the government lost interest in hunting down the insurgents during the MONTHS of his at-home recuperation, he was handed a "get out of jail, free" card by the author. So he could live in his family home, under his own name, claim the title of "Baron" from his father, marry the girl of his dreams, collect a nice fat dowry, and forget about his friends who died, and the things he himself did in the name of "The Revolution", all on the up and up. All things DENIED to the book's true hero, Jean Valjean!
Then I realized that "Marius" is an almost perfect anagram for "Mary Sue" in the form of "MariSu". Hence the constant snarky references to him as "MariSu". Because he is one.
I HATE Marius Pontmercy! But in his musical incarnation, he's actually a much better, likeable person!
Why I hate Marius Pontmercy (the book version)
1) Starts off as politically clueless. But after finding out how much his missing Daddy loved him, he immediately reads articles and absorbs Daddy's politics, mainly Napoleon-worship. He doesn't quantify exactly what's so great about Napoleon (or think about what's not-so-great). He loves the Emperor (who's dead already) just because Daddy did.
2) Such an idiot about not knowing who the King is. All he knows now is that Napoleon was opposed to the Bourbons, so therefore, "Down with Louis XVIII, that fat pig!" Even though Louis is dead, and it's Charles X who's on the throne. Even an uneducated kid (Gavroche) knows who the King was in 1830!
3) Gets into a tiff with Grandpa G over politics and stomps out of the house and spends YEARS slumming it. He's actually a rich boy from a well-off family, but the book tries to make him sound so wonderful because "poverty builds character". He's even reduced to gnawing on the 3-day old bone like a dog, instead of buying rice, beans, peas, or any cheap nourishing dried food that LASTS, which 3rd world people figured out eons ago. We've seen REAL poverty and desperation (Fantine) so I am unmoved by the "challenges" faced by MariSu, who is no danger of selling his hair and teeth, or becoming a male prostitute.
4) Tries to argue with the ABCs that Napoleon was such a great man for conquering the world! He's totally steamrolled by them, of course. And the slinks away and never goes back to Cafe Musain.
5) He is attracted to a girl (Cosette) who is always at Lux Gardens with her "father". He watches her, stares at her, follows her around and never says a word to her or her father. He even makes up names for them, because he never introduces himself to them and asks their names!
6) He gets all prudish and self-righteous when a gust of wind lifts Cosette's skirt and he sees her (gasp) leg. He considers her a hussy, glares and frowns at her and pouts for 3 days. Finally, he "forgives" her, but only in his own mind, because he still has not spoken to her.
7) He creepily stalks her to her home. He asks the porter about the father and daughter. Valjean gets suspicious and abandons the house.
8) During the Ambush at the Gorbeau Tenement, that idiot MariSu is hesitant about summoning the police when he sees Cosette's father trapped and cornered by Thenn and a criminal gang. They're ready to torture and kill the man, and stupid-head MariSu debates with himself on what to do. He feels he has a "debt" to Thenn because he saved Daddy Pontmercy. So he's willing to excuse, and passively sit back while Thenn commits truly serious crimes.
9) After all that excitement, he hangs around the Field of the Lark, superstitiously believing that it might have something to do with Cosette and he can find out where she lives now. Creep.
10) With Eponine's help, he finds Cosette's house and scares the hell out of her by sneaking around in her garden. And he STILL hasn't introduced himself like a proper young man!
11) He can't write a Love Letter worth a damn. That letter he placed under a rock... I fail to see how it can possibly hold the attention of a 15 year old girl! It's all so philosophical and on a higher(?) level that she can't possibly comprehend. Hardly any of it is about HER, and what he sees in HER and how much he loves HER. It's all about God and universal love, etc. like it's a draft of a sermon. Meh.
12) After they finally meet and exchange names, he goes rushing to Grandpa G, and asks to marry Cosette. Just wait a sec! Did he EVER propose to her? Like, "Cosette, will you marry me?" Nope? Grandpa G insults her and says she should be a mistress and MariSu gets angry, calling Cosette "my wife". Already??? Jumping the gun a bit? And he still has not spoken to her father, because she's 15 years old and it's required to have her father's approval to marry her? Who do you think you are, MariSu?
13) After Valjean decides to move to England with Cosette, MariSu bemoans that he's too poor to follow her, yet he has access to TONS of money if he would just TAKE IT. So instead, he decides to die (helped along by Eponine luring him to the barricades to be with his "friends").
14) He's at the barricades, not because he believes in the Cause, but because he has a Death Wish. Being such a dork, his preferred method of death is "suicide by cop National Guard" so he recklessly threatens to blow up a cask of dynamite, taking dozens of people with him. This is passed off as "heroic" but honestly? You wanna die, then jump off a bridge. All those OTHER people that you were ready to blow up didn't have a choice.
15) After discovering as dying Eponine, who sacrificed her life for his, he grants her last request, a kiss after death. This is good! But once she gives him a letter that she was hiding away, all thoughts IMMEDIATELY go to the letter and Cosette. And so he leaves Eponine's body covered in blood and dust out on the streets, to be covered with more rubble and trod on. And why is this wrong? It's a shooting war! Well, the bodies of old Mabeuf and Gavroche were fetched, brought inside, laid on a table and covered with a shawl in reverence for their sacrifice. Eponine didn't RATE!
16) He gets shot in the shoulder, collapses gets hauled through the sewers, unconscious. No blame here. But I really hate the Mary Sue-isms during his recovery at home. It takes months, and the authorities sooooo conveniently give up the hunt for the traitors of the barricades. There are NO consequences for his traitorous actions.
17) MariSu has an odd hard-turn to the radical left, praising Robespierre, etc. as "the giants of '93" and this came from nowhere. And Grandpa G just grovels at his feet, paying (false) lip service to the SAME bastards who were eager to cut off his own head back in '93. MariSu isn't paying attention anyway, because his mind is on Cosette now, as Grandpa G just gave them permission to marry!
17b) This shows that politically, MariSu is just a dabbler, a dilettante, and his convictions never go beyond skin deep. He starts off with "Derp, uh, what Grandpa G says. The Royalists? OK by me." Then: "Oh, my long-missing Daddy loved Napoleon? I LOVE him too! Vive l'Empereur! I'm a Bonapartist Democrat now. Nevermind that Napoleon is dead. Down with that fat pig, Louis XVIII!" Next: "Well, years have gone by and my temporary Bonapartist fervor has faded. Louis Philippe? Seems OK to me. I can live with that." Later: "This makes zero sense, but I'm a fire-breathing hardcore radical apologist now. Yay, Robespierre and the Convention and the Terror of '93! Executions! Forced ideological purity! I'm down with that! Those men were GIANTS!" Finally: "What did I say? Is Grandpa G babbling something? I dunno, I'm too busy thinking of my upcoming sexy time with Cosette. Politics... bah!" He just flits from one extreme to the other, until his attention turns to his next obsessive thing.
18) And speaking of MariSu's forgetfulness, he barely remembers Mabeuf, Eponine, Gavroche and the ABCs, and the whole barricade thing is just a foggy memory. He just blows all of them off as he heads towards his blissful wedding with Cosette. Never a return to the cafe, a thought, a prayer, tears, a poem, a visit to their gravesite, flowers, NOTHING. He just moves on, and doesn't think of them, or the Cause EVER AGAIN.
19) He's is STILL obsessively seeking Thenn to reward him (for saving Daddy back in 1815), even after witnessing firsthand how vile and vicious Thenn is (the Gorbeau House Ambush).
20) After the wedding, Valjean visits MariSu and confesses that he's not Cosette's real father, and that he's just an ex-con who stole bread. MariSu, in an amazing show of decency, offers to have Grandpa G's friends obtain a pardon for his father-in-law. But Valjean refuses (<bad idea!!!) and then MariSu turns cold. He allows Valjean to visit Cosette, but over time, he passive-aggressively sends out "hints" that Valjean is no longer welcome. He starts getting the uncomfortable (and wrong) feeling that Valjean is a thief (stole the 600,000 franc dowry) and the murderer (of Javert). Judgemental much, MariSu? It was Enjolras who gave the execution order! Valjean, pretending to be a loyal foot-soldier, took Javert away and you heard a gunshot. This bothers you now, you hypocrite??? You, who shot (and maybe killed) soldiers and Guardsmen at the barricade? You, who were seconds away from blowing up dozens of people? You, who would have executed Javert yourself if charismatic Enjolras looked you in the eye and ordered it? You, a TRAITOR to your country, and now living the good life because Victor Hugo wrote in a "get out of jail free" card just for you? Stop play-acting as a firm and resolute grownup, Monsieur le Baron! Valjean is a FAR BETTER man than you could ever dream of being!
21) Valjan slinks off, no longer seeing Cosette, and is dying of unknown causes. Thenn pops up again, asking MariSu for money for a bunch of secret info and dossiers about father-in-law. All this evidence PROVES that Valjean was innocent and a good man. And... this is all because YOU never hired investigators to look into this earlier? You never read the papers yourself, or asked around, "How did Fauchelevent/Valjean come into possession of 600,000 francs?" "What happened to that policeman, Javert?" Nope. You ASSUMED that Valjean was a bad man, and YOU caused him to be ghosted and YOU contributed to his early death.
22) After a last minute rush to take Cosette to see Valjean (for the last time), MariSu reconciles with the older man. Valjean admits to feeling forever unworthy, and was a part contributor to his own demise. MariSu sobs and holds Valjean's hand while he dies. Nice, but this cannot undo Valjean's last months of misery and loneliness. You THOUGHT you owed Thenn and went to the ends of the earth to repay that debt? Well, you OWE Valjean bigtime now! Whatcha gonna do now, in his memory? You gonna take your lawyer skills and take on cases for unjustly accused men? You gonna fight for prison reform and the end to the yellow passport system? You gonna restart that jet-bead factory to repay the people of M-sur-M and finish the work that Valjean started? You gonna generously donate to charities and social workers helping unfortunate prostitutes leave that life? Do it, MariSu! Pay it forwards!
Here's what I think. Take a clue from the musical ("Empty Chairs at Empty Tables") and take it to the next level. MariSu brings flowers to the graves of Enjolras, Courfeyrac and Combferre. Sinks to his knees, lays down the flowers, and says, "My friends, your sacrifice wasn't in vain. I will take up the mantle. We lost this time, but we'll do better next time. We won't be shooting, looting, burning, taking over people's hoods and dying to the last man, Next time, we will have the people on our side. We'll have the Army supporting us. We will have our Republic, but it will be strong and united. No hate, no Terror, no Robespierre, no purges, no retaliations, no guillotines. The people won't fear the Republic, the people will BE the Republic."
1) Starts off as politically clueless. But after finding out how much his missing Daddy loved him, he immediately reads articles and absorbs Daddy's politics, mainly Napoleon-worship. He doesn't quantify exactly what's so great about Napoleon (or think about what's not-so-great). He loves the Emperor (who's dead already) just because Daddy did.
2) Such an idiot about not knowing who the King is. All he knows now is that Napoleon was opposed to the Bourbons, so therefore, "Down with Louis XVIII, that fat pig!" Even though Louis is dead, and it's Charles X who's on the throne. Even an uneducated kid (Gavroche) knows who the King was in 1830!
3) Gets into a tiff with Grandpa G over politics and stomps out of the house and spends YEARS slumming it. He's actually a rich boy from a well-off family, but the book tries to make him sound so wonderful because "poverty builds character". He's even reduced to gnawing on the 3-day old bone like a dog, instead of buying rice, beans, peas, or any cheap nourishing dried food that LASTS, which 3rd world people figured out eons ago. We've seen REAL poverty and desperation (Fantine) so I am unmoved by the "challenges" faced by MariSu, who is no danger of selling his hair and teeth, or becoming a male prostitute.
4) Tries to argue with the ABCs that Napoleon was such a great man for conquering the world! He's totally steamrolled by them, of course. And the slinks away and never goes back to Cafe Musain.
5) He is attracted to a girl (Cosette) who is always at Lux Gardens with her "father". He watches her, stares at her, follows her around and never says a word to her or her father. He even makes up names for them, because he never introduces himself to them and asks their names!
6) He gets all prudish and self-righteous when a gust of wind lifts Cosette's skirt and he sees her (gasp) leg. He considers her a hussy, glares and frowns at her and pouts for 3 days. Finally, he "forgives" her, but only in his own mind, because he still has not spoken to her.
7) He creepily stalks her to her home. He asks the porter about the father and daughter. Valjean gets suspicious and abandons the house.
8) During the Ambush at the Gorbeau Tenement, that idiot MariSu is hesitant about summoning the police when he sees Cosette's father trapped and cornered by Thenn and a criminal gang. They're ready to torture and kill the man, and stupid-head MariSu debates with himself on what to do. He feels he has a "debt" to Thenn because he saved Daddy Pontmercy. So he's willing to excuse, and passively sit back while Thenn commits truly serious crimes.
9) After all that excitement, he hangs around the Field of the Lark, superstitiously believing that it might have something to do with Cosette and he can find out where she lives now. Creep.
10) With Eponine's help, he finds Cosette's house and scares the hell out of her by sneaking around in her garden. And he STILL hasn't introduced himself like a proper young man!
11) He can't write a Love Letter worth a damn. That letter he placed under a rock... I fail to see how it can possibly hold the attention of a 15 year old girl! It's all so philosophical and on a higher(?) level that she can't possibly comprehend. Hardly any of it is about HER, and what he sees in HER and how much he loves HER. It's all about God and universal love, etc. like it's a draft of a sermon. Meh.
12) After they finally meet and exchange names, he goes rushing to Grandpa G, and asks to marry Cosette. Just wait a sec! Did he EVER propose to her? Like, "Cosette, will you marry me?" Nope? Grandpa G insults her and says she should be a mistress and MariSu gets angry, calling Cosette "my wife". Already??? Jumping the gun a bit? And he still has not spoken to her father, because she's 15 years old and it's required to have her father's approval to marry her? Who do you think you are, MariSu?
13) After Valjean decides to move to England with Cosette, MariSu bemoans that he's too poor to follow her, yet he has access to TONS of money if he would just TAKE IT. So instead, he decides to die (helped along by Eponine luring him to the barricades to be with his "friends").
14) He's at the barricades, not because he believes in the Cause, but because he has a Death Wish. Being such a dork, his preferred method of death is "suicide by cop National Guard" so he recklessly threatens to blow up a cask of dynamite, taking dozens of people with him. This is passed off as "heroic" but honestly? You wanna die, then jump off a bridge. All those OTHER people that you were ready to blow up didn't have a choice.
15) After discovering as dying Eponine, who sacrificed her life for his, he grants her last request, a kiss after death. This is good! But once she gives him a letter that she was hiding away, all thoughts IMMEDIATELY go to the letter and Cosette. And so he leaves Eponine's body covered in blood and dust out on the streets, to be covered with more rubble and trod on. And why is this wrong? It's a shooting war! Well, the bodies of old Mabeuf and Gavroche were fetched, brought inside, laid on a table and covered with a shawl in reverence for their sacrifice. Eponine didn't RATE!
16) He gets shot in the shoulder, collapses gets hauled through the sewers, unconscious. No blame here. But I really hate the Mary Sue-isms during his recovery at home. It takes months, and the authorities sooooo conveniently give up the hunt for the traitors of the barricades. There are NO consequences for his traitorous actions.
17) MariSu has an odd hard-turn to the radical left, praising Robespierre, etc. as "the giants of '93" and this came from nowhere. And Grandpa G just grovels at his feet, paying (false) lip service to the SAME bastards who were eager to cut off his own head back in '93. MariSu isn't paying attention anyway, because his mind is on Cosette now, as Grandpa G just gave them permission to marry!
17b) This shows that politically, MariSu is just a dabbler, a dilettante, and his convictions never go beyond skin deep. He starts off with "Derp, uh, what Grandpa G says. The Royalists? OK by me." Then: "Oh, my long-missing Daddy loved Napoleon? I LOVE him too! Vive l'Empereur! I'm a Bonapartist Democrat now. Nevermind that Napoleon is dead. Down with that fat pig, Louis XVIII!" Next: "Well, years have gone by and my temporary Bonapartist fervor has faded. Louis Philippe? Seems OK to me. I can live with that." Later: "This makes zero sense, but I'm a fire-breathing hardcore radical apologist now. Yay, Robespierre and the Convention and the Terror of '93! Executions! Forced ideological purity! I'm down with that! Those men were GIANTS!" Finally: "What did I say? Is Grandpa G babbling something? I dunno, I'm too busy thinking of my upcoming sexy time with Cosette. Politics... bah!" He just flits from one extreme to the other, until his attention turns to his next obsessive thing.
18) And speaking of MariSu's forgetfulness, he barely remembers Mabeuf, Eponine, Gavroche and the ABCs, and the whole barricade thing is just a foggy memory. He just blows all of them off as he heads towards his blissful wedding with Cosette. Never a return to the cafe, a thought, a prayer, tears, a poem, a visit to their gravesite, flowers, NOTHING. He just moves on, and doesn't think of them, or the Cause EVER AGAIN.
19) He's is STILL obsessively seeking Thenn to reward him (for saving Daddy back in 1815), even after witnessing firsthand how vile and vicious Thenn is (the Gorbeau House Ambush).
20) After the wedding, Valjean visits MariSu and confesses that he's not Cosette's real father, and that he's just an ex-con who stole bread. MariSu, in an amazing show of decency, offers to have Grandpa G's friends obtain a pardon for his father-in-law. But Valjean refuses (<bad idea!!!) and then MariSu turns cold. He allows Valjean to visit Cosette, but over time, he passive-aggressively sends out "hints" that Valjean is no longer welcome. He starts getting the uncomfortable (and wrong) feeling that Valjean is a thief (stole the 600,000 franc dowry) and the murderer (of Javert). Judgemental much, MariSu? It was Enjolras who gave the execution order! Valjean, pretending to be a loyal foot-soldier, took Javert away and you heard a gunshot. This bothers you now, you hypocrite??? You, who shot (and maybe killed) soldiers and Guardsmen at the barricade? You, who were seconds away from blowing up dozens of people? You, who would have executed Javert yourself if charismatic Enjolras looked you in the eye and ordered it? You, a TRAITOR to your country, and now living the good life because Victor Hugo wrote in a "get out of jail free" card just for you? Stop play-acting as a firm and resolute grownup, Monsieur le Baron! Valjean is a FAR BETTER man than you could ever dream of being!
21) Valjan slinks off, no longer seeing Cosette, and is dying of unknown causes. Thenn pops up again, asking MariSu for money for a bunch of secret info and dossiers about father-in-law. All this evidence PROVES that Valjean was innocent and a good man. And... this is all because YOU never hired investigators to look into this earlier? You never read the papers yourself, or asked around, "How did Fauchelevent/Valjean come into possession of 600,000 francs?" "What happened to that policeman, Javert?" Nope. You ASSUMED that Valjean was a bad man, and YOU caused him to be ghosted and YOU contributed to his early death.
22) After a last minute rush to take Cosette to see Valjean (for the last time), MariSu reconciles with the older man. Valjean admits to feeling forever unworthy, and was a part contributor to his own demise. MariSu sobs and holds Valjean's hand while he dies. Nice, but this cannot undo Valjean's last months of misery and loneliness. You THOUGHT you owed Thenn and went to the ends of the earth to repay that debt? Well, you OWE Valjean bigtime now! Whatcha gonna do now, in his memory? You gonna take your lawyer skills and take on cases for unjustly accused men? You gonna fight for prison reform and the end to the yellow passport system? You gonna restart that jet-bead factory to repay the people of M-sur-M and finish the work that Valjean started? You gonna generously donate to charities and social workers helping unfortunate prostitutes leave that life? Do it, MariSu! Pay it forwards!
Here's what I think. Take a clue from the musical ("Empty Chairs at Empty Tables") and take it to the next level. MariSu brings flowers to the graves of Enjolras, Courfeyrac and Combferre. Sinks to his knees, lays down the flowers, and says, "My friends, your sacrifice wasn't in vain. I will take up the mantle. We lost this time, but we'll do better next time. We won't be shooting, looting, burning, taking over people's hoods and dying to the last man, Next time, we will have the people on our side. We'll have the Army supporting us. We will have our Republic, but it will be strong and united. No hate, no Terror, no Robespierre, no purges, no retaliations, no guillotines. The people won't fear the Republic, the people will BE the Republic."
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